home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
C!T ROM 3
/
ct-rom iiib.zip
/
ct-rom iiib
/
OS2
/
UTILITY
/
ALBT120
/
ENGLISH.INF
(
.txt
)
< prev
next >
Wrap
OS/2 Help File
|
1994-02-13
|
133KB
|
837 lines
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 1. About ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ALBATROS CD Player
ALBATROS CD Player is a Compact Disk Player which will allow you to play your
Compact Audio Disks.
Well, here it is : a CD Player for OS/2 2.1.
Though there is already a CD Player in the MMPM/2 Package, I wanted to have
a CD Player that is a bit more fancy, a Friend of mine wanted a Volume
Knob, some others wanted a LCD Display and so on..
PACKAGE
You should find the following files in your Package :
ALBATROS.EXE - The Executable File
GERMAN.DLL - The German Resource File
ENGLISH.DLL - The English Resource File
GERMAN.HLP - The German Help File
ENGLISH.HLP - The English Help File
GERMAN.INF - The German INF File
ENGLISH.INF - The English INF File
ALBATROS.ICO - The Icon
LCD640c.FON - Font for 640 + 800 Resolution ( CLASSIC Style )
LCD1024c.FON - Font for 1024 + 1280 Resolution ( CLASSIC Style )
LCD640.FON - Font for 640 + 800 Resolution ( MODERN Style )
LCD1024.FON - Font for 1024 + 1280 Resolution ( MODERN Style )
LCD640f.FON - Font for 640 + 800 Resolution ( FUTURE Style )
LCD1024f.FON - Font for 1024 + 1280 Resolution ( FUTURE Style )
README.TXT - The Readme
INSTALL.CMD - The Installations File
REQUIREMENTS
ALBATROS CD PLAYER requires the following :
- PC Running OS/2 2.1 with MMPM/2 installed
( I do not know if it will work with OS/2 2.0 an MMPM/2 installed )
- a CD Player supported by MMPM/2
- a AUDIO CD in the CD Player
- The installed Vector FontHELVETICA I use it often !!
- If you do not have it installed , some Fonts WILL look crappy.
FEATURES
( All in all I made it look a bit like a Wind*** Player called Yamamoto ..
but , mine is a lot cheaper .. )
- a LCD Style Display for Track and Time
- some Buttons ( Forward , Backward , Fast Forward , Fast Backward , Play ,
Stop , Pause )
- a Display for Maximum Playing Time of The CD
- a Direct Selection of Tracks
- Programmable
- Intro Play
- Editing Track and CD Titels
- German / English Version ( more to come )
INSTALLATION
Just unpack the Archiv in any Directory of your Hard Disk and Ready you are ..
OR : use the installation file In this Case type : "Install" and everything
else will be shown to you ..
In case the CD Player doesn't show the LCD Display or a Message Pops up saying
it doesn't find the DLL file, copy the ALBATROS.DLL to the /OS2/DLL directory.
In case you see the SETTINGS Window Displayed at Startup , make sure you have
the MMPM/2 correctly installed.
In case the CD Player doesn't find your Audio CD despite there is one in your
Drive, make sure you have selected the correct drive for audio CD's in the
MMPM/2 Configuration.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 2. Main Screen ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
This is what the Program will look like, when you first start it.
Just in case the Volume can not be controlled by your Audio CD Player,
you will see the following Picture
You will not be able to see any type of menu on the top of the screen, therefore
you will have to use the POPUP Menu on your Right Mouse Button to select your Menu
choices.
Here you can choose several things :
OPTIONS
This is where to choose all the settings and options for your CD Player.
Here you can also enter Titles, select Programs, etc .
PROGRAM
Here you will find another submenu showing you all the Programming Options
of your CD Player.
NONE
This means, No Program is active. Use whenever yuo want to select tracks by yourself.
Here you will be able to change Tracks by yourself, as well as skip forward, backwards.
REPEAT TRACK
The CD PLAYER will continuously play this selected track. The Buttons FORWARD, REWIND,
SKIP UP and SKIP DOWN as well as the DIREKT Selection Value Set will be Disabled.
'Repeating Track' will also be displayed in the Main Program Window.
Here you will not be able to change Tracks by yourself, therefore some of the controls
will be disabled now.
REPEAT DISK
The CD PLAYER will continuously play the Disk from the first to the last Track.
The Buttons FORWARD, REWIND, SKIP UP and SKIP DOWN as well as the DIREKT Selection Value
Set will be Disabled.
'Repeating Disk' will also be displayed in the Main Program Window.
Here you will not be able to change Tracks by yourself, therefore some of the controls
will be disabled now.
RANDOM PLAY
The CD PLAYER will continuously play random Tracks on your CD. The Buttons FORWARD,
REWIND, SKIP UP and SKIP DOWN as well as the DIREKT Selection Value Set will be Disabled.
'Playing Random' will also be displayed in the Main Program Window.
INTRO PLAY
This will play the tracks on your CD from the first track to the last track for
a selectable amount of seconds ( usually 15 sec, but you will be able to choose that )
After it has played all the tracks, the player will stop and jump back to track 1.
Here you will not be able to change Tracks by yourself, therefore some of the controls
will be disabled now.
'INTRO PLAY' will also be displayed in the Main Program Window.
PROGRAM PLAY
Here you will be able to play all the tracks chosen in the Program ( Notebook )
Here you will not be able to change Tracks by yourself, therefore some of the controls
will be disabled now.
'PROGRAM PLAY' will also be displayed in the Main Program Window.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 2.1. Display Elements ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
This is the main Display of ALBATROS, where you will find various Information
about you Compact Disk, the active Track and so on.
This will inform you about the active track, as well as the minutes and seconds
already played from this track.
This will inform you about the maximum minutes and seconds of the selected track
as well as the maximum number of tracks on your CD.
This will show you the Title of the CD ( Left Side ) as well as the Title of the
active Track ( Right Side ).
The display of title or the display of the track may also be turned off in the Settings
page of the notebook.
This will inform you about the active program. If you haven't selected a program, you will
not see anything displayed here.
Font Files
There are three different Font Files . The so called CLASSIC
the MODERN
and the FUTURE
All Fonts may be selected during Installation .
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 2.2. Buttons ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
PLAY Button
Pressing play by itself plays track 1 to the end of the disc.
Pressing after a number was entered at the Number pad plays that track number
to the end of disc.
Pressing PLAY with pause active resumes play at the current position.
Pressing PLAY with random play actice will randomly play tracks from
your CD.
PAUSE Button
Pressing pause will stop audio playback at the current position.
When you have pressed PAUSE, the Button will be displayed in a lower State
indicating Pause pressed. You can now either press Pause again, which will
cause the Pause Button to be displayed in the normal state. You can now press
STOP, which will cancel pause and Stop the current Track or you can press PLAY,
which will also cancel PAUSE and continue playing the current Track.
STOP Button
Pressing stop will stop audio playback and seek head to the beginning of
the track .
SKIP UP Button Pressing skip up will advance playback to next track.
SKIP DOWN Button
Pressing skip down will cause playback of previous track.
SEARCH UP Button SEARCH DOWN Button Pressing search up will increase current
playback by five seconds. Pressing search down will decrease current playback
by five seconds.
EJECT Pressing eject will cause CD disc to be ejected from the drive.
If there is no Audio Disc in the CD Player, you will see the following screen:
LOUDSPEAKER
Pressing this Button will toggle the Music on or off.
VOLUME
This Volume knob will only show if your Audio CD player is capable
of controlling the volume. If it is not, there will no Volume
knob be displayed.
Turning this Button will Change the Volume of the CD PLAYER
The Volume Knob may not work correctly with Audio Headphones connected
to the front of your CD Player on some CD Players (Hardware Problem ).
Instead , use the internal connectors ( CINCH Connectors ) to connect
the CD Player to your Stereo or to your Soundblaster Card.
NUMBER PAD
By double-clicking on a number of the Number Pad you can directly choose the corresponding
Track of your CD.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 3. Options ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Select OPTIONS from the Popup Menu.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 3.1. Options Page ONE ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
This page will show you Information about the available Tracks on your CD .Here
you can enter Title Information of the inserted CD. This Information will be saved to a
file ALBATROS.INI in your Albatros Directory. This information is loaded every
Time you insert the Compact Disk.
In case you haven't entered any Title Information, you will see an empty Notebook.
CD Title
Here you can enter the Titel of your Compact Disk. This Title will be displayed at the Top
of the Container.
Title of selected track
Select a Track first, then you can here enter the Titel of the selected Track. It will
be automatically be inserted in the container.
Artist
Select a Track first, then you can here enter the Name of the Artist. this is useful for
mixed CD's where every Title has it's own Artist. This will be automatically be
inserted in the container.
Drag and Drop Editing
Editing Title and Track information can be made a lot easier with Drag and Drop.
For this you will have to prepare a file (any name you like, it is HPFS aware)
which has the following format :
CD Titel
Track 1 Titel
Artist 1
Track 2 Titel
# This would be Artist 2 but is blank !!
Track 3 Titel
# Artist 3 BLANK
Track 4 Titel
Artist 4
Track 5 Titel
#
Track 6 Titel
#
Track 7 Titel
#
Track 8 Titel
#
Track 9 Titel
#
Track 10 Titel
#
You will have to edit a file exactly as stated above. Empty lines will not be recognized,
and you will have to include the # for a blank line.
the file has to consist of (2* Number of Tracks on CD )+1 lines, more or less
lines in the file will cause an Error Message, but will be imported a good as possible.
If you have prepared the File, you can drag it from the Drives object containe (Icon View,
Details View, etc) and drop it on a space next to the Titles container, when yopu see the
appropriate Drag icon displayed.
See also the File IMPORT.TXT as a template for writing your own Files.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 3.2. Options Page TWO ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
On this page you can select your active Program.
Double Clicking a Track of the Left Listbox will add this track to the End of your
active Program of the Right Listbox.
Double Clicking a Track of the Right Listbox will delete this track from your
active Program.
At the Top you see how many songs you have selected and how many minutes this program will
play. To actually Play this selected Program, you will have to choose Program ->
Program Play from the Popup Menu.
You will not see this Notebook page if you are using the SHAREWARE VERSION !
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 3.3. Options Page THREE ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
On this page you can select the Display Options of the the various Information as well as
the colors for your Display.
These options will be remembered at startup.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 3.4. Options Page FOUR ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
This will show you information about the Autor of the CD Player ( Me , I Guess ) and the
one who bought it.
You may also Enter your Name and your Registration Number. These Changes will take effect
the next time you start Albatros.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 4. Hotkeys ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Do we have any ?
- F1 - HELP
- ALT-P - PLAY
- ALT-S - STOP
- ALT - (Arrow Right) - 5 Sec Forward
- ALT - (Arrow Left) - 5 Sec Backward
- ALT - (Arrow Up) - Next Track
- ALT - (Arrow Down) - Previous Track
- ALT-O - Options
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 5. Registration for Albatros CD Player ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Registration Form for Albatros CD Player ( Use The Print Command )
Quantity ________ x $ 35.00 ( DM 50 ) = ________ [ ]$ [ ] DM
Total ________ [ ]$ [ ] DM
Update from previous Version :
Quantity ________ x $ 10.00 ( DM 15 ) = ________ [ ]$ [ ] DM
Total ________ [ ]$ [ ] DM
Please include a Check or Cash made payable to
Norbert Heller.
Diskette size: [ ] 3.5" [ ] 5.25"
Name _______________________________________________
Company _______________________________________________
Adress _______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Phone _______________________________________________
I have Albatros Version _______________________________
I have read and agree to abide by the license agreement:
Signature ____________________________________________
Please include any comments or suggestions on the lines
which follow. Use an additional page if necessary.
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
For information about volume discounts, site licenses, and
technical questions please contact Norbert Heller.
Mail this form to: Norbert Heller
Jungnauer Str. 10
70567 Stuttgart
Germany
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 6. Shareware Limitation ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
The Shareware Version is NOT limited in any Ways !!!
But you will see the following Dialog
-BETA Versions only are Limited to Run Up to a certain DATE only ..
Versions > 1.0 will not have this limitation.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 7. History ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
1.2
- FIX : Valueset did not change when Track forward / back was selected
- FIX : Container Responded to ALT-LMB incorrectly
- ADDED : ARTIST ( Good for mixed CD's where alle Titles have different
Artists )
- ADDED : Titel Input by Drag and Drop of an Existing Text file onto
Notebook Page 1
The Ascii File you drop on the Page has to confirm to a certain
Data Format ( Fairly Easy )
This makes editing or importing new Titles for a Disc VERY easy !
( see IMPORT.TXT for a Description )
1.1
- FIX : Major rework done to the Display Code
Result : - NO MORE Flicker whatsoever
- No more junk left on Display
- Font Display doesn't get messed up when
Popup window was opened ( as before )
- ADDED : Player Version can now be seen in NB Page 1a
- CHANGE: Entry Fields for Titel and Track support 40 chars, though there will
be only 25 chars Displayed in the main window Display
- CHANGE: Registered Versions no longer Show the Registration Number in the last
Notebook Page
- CHANGE: Frame Window can no longer be sized ( had no effect anyways )
1.0 RELEASE VERSION
- ADDED : "time" toggle between maximum Track Play Time / Remaining Play / Max CD time
- ADDED : Notebook Page 1a for CD player information
- ADDED : Notebook Page 3a for Options ( Basically moved the color options NB Page )
0.97 BETA
- FIX : 1280 Seems to work fine now .
- ADDED : No more Shareware Restrictions ( Notebook Pages Fully visible )
- ADDED : Font Developer Kit - Create Your Own Fonts for the player
0.96a BETA
- FIX : When CD with (CD Titel ,but not Track Titel) was inserted after
a CD with Track TITEL and CD Titel the titels from the old cd were
displayed
- FIX : Program Play was incorrect when a track was exactly xx.00 sec long
0.96 BETA
- ADDED : Program can now be registered by entering Name + Number
0.95c BETA
- ADDED : Valueset shows Active Program
- ADDED : Valueset changes focus to appropriate Number when track changes
- ADDED : Modern, Classic and Future Type of FONT (You will find out ..)
- CHANGE: Install Proram due to different Fonts
- CHANGE: Display for 1024 (hopefully for the last time)
- CHANGE: Volume Control always visible (No effect on Some Players, though)
- CHANGE: Internal Code changed , behaves a lot smoother , less power consumption ..
- CHANGE: Play Button behaves a lot smoother .
- FIX : F3 for EXIT didn't work ..
- FIX : Eject didn't work when INTRO Play was active
0.95b BETA
- CHANGE: Intro Play now for a variable sec (choose by Slider)
- CHANGE: LCD Style Font Changed + Fixed for 1024 Displays
- CHANGE: Installation Program due to the Two different Font Files
- CHANGE: Information in Main screen now all on the Left side
0.95a BETA
- CHANGE: Reworked Display (Less Flicker , Smoother Display in ICON)
- CHANGE: Font Display should be better now
- CHANGE: Hotkeys
- ADDED : Animation for PLAY Button now changeable (ON /OFF)
0.95 BETA
- ADDED : Displays Song Titles when Iconized
- CHANGE: Reworked Display (BETTER ??)
0.94b BETA
- ADDED : German VERSION / English VERSION (Italian Version on the WAY)
- CHANGE: Installation Program due to the different Versions
- CHANGE: Online Help available as INF File also.
0.94a BETA
- CHANGE: Programming Options Now on Mouse Button 2 (Faster)
- ADDED : Program Play (Select Program on Notebook Page 2)
- ADDED : Volume Knob should now display only if CDPLAYER is able
to control Volume
- ADDED : Color now Changeable for all Display Options
- ADDED : Several Entries To User INI . Now Remembers Settings ..
0.94 BETA
- ADDED : Intro Play (Play Track 1 - Last) for a selectable amount of Sec
- FIX : Entering (Naming) Tracks in Notebook Page 1 works correctly
- ADDED : Displays Name of Tracks While playing (optional)
- ADDED : Displays CD Titel while playing (optional)
0.93a BETA
- ADDED : Options Notebook added (Right Mouse Button)
- There seems to be a Problem with 1024 Display and the Display
of Fonts. Now I added a MsgBox That will inform you about it
- ADDED : BETA Versions now only run up to a certain Date, after That, they will
be useless(sorry, but i don't want crappy version floating around ..)
Shareware Versions > VERSION 1.0 will have NO Time restriction ...
- ADDED : Pause Button Changed . When pressed the pause button stays pushed until
you press PLAY or STOP or PAUSE again.
- FIX : Minor Bug in the Installation Program
0.93 BETA
- ADDED : Displays 'Repeating Track / Disk / Random' when selected
- ADDED : Displays 'NO DISC' when a DATA CD is in the Drive
- ADDED : Random Track Button Working
- ADDED : Repeat Track Button Working
- ADDED : Repeat Disk Button Working
- ADDED : Installation Command File
- ADDED : Intro Dialog
- CHANGE: Icon File Changed
- CHANGE: Name Changed to 'ALBATROS CD PLAYER' since I found about 5 different
CD PLAYER named 'CDPLAYER ' on my local BBS which makes it difficult to
distinguish the different Versions of CD Players
0.92c BETA
- Fix : Finally figured out how Font files work (Damned Font Editor ..) therefore i changed the bitmappy
Display to a fonty one. Now it uses up a lot less system resources..
- Fix : Looks a lot better now on 640 * 480 Displays
- Fix : Play Button Animation changed
0.92b BETA
- Fix : Cdplayer didn't stop at the end of the Last track
- Fix : Error Beep now via MMPM errors
0.92a BETA
- ADDED : Popup Menue for the right Mouse Button
- FIX : Changed the track / Time Display from VS TO BMP Display, looks nicer now
- FIX : Program Didn't appear in Tasklist ..
- CHANGE: Push Buttons to 3D Green (I Like it ;-)
- FIX : Control seems to skip some Numbers 9->0 then 8->9 then 7->8 ..
- Still doesn't Display correctly on 640 * 480
(but i doesn't bother me now , maybe later)
0.92 BETA
- ADDED : Startup Code modified, can start only Once now
- ADDED : Displays Tracks in minimized Form
- ADDED : Startup Parameter now for cdaudio01, cdaudio02 ,etc
- FIX : didn't always Display NO DISC
- ADDED : Now up to 99 Tracks possible (Should be enough)
- CHANGE: Different Design (smaller)
- CHANGE: Different Font on Selection Valueset (Better on 640*480 Displays)
- FIX : Maximum Time for the selected Track is now Displayed Correctly
0.91 BETA
- First Release into the Shareware
- Added Online Help
- Added Direct Selection of Tracks (Valueset)
0.00 - 0.90
several Enhancements
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 8. Distribution ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Verteilung des Albatros CD Player
Die Shareware Version des ALBATROS CD Player darf
- Auf jede Art von MAILBOXEN geladen und verteilt werden.
- Ueber jegliche Art des Internet / Usenet verteilt werden.
- In Private Shareware Sammlungen genommen werden.
- Auf der HOBBES CD verteilt werden.
Die Shareware Version des ALBATROS CD Player darf NICHT
- Auf CD gepresst werden ( ohne schriftliche Genehmigung des Autor )
( Die einzige CD, auf der die Shareware Version sofort gepresst werden darf
ist die sogenannte "HOBBES CD" , welche durch ftp.cdrom.com oder auch
ftp-os2.nmsu.edu vertrieben wird )
- In eine Shareware Sammlung gepackt werden
( ohne schriftliche Genehmigung des Autor )
( Hier ist nicht die Private Shareware Sammlung gemeint, sondern der
Kommerzielle Shareware Vertrieb , wie z.B. der Deutsche Vertrieb "CDV" oder
aehnliches oder "DATA BECKER Goldene Serie" oder aehnliches )
- Die Shareware Version darf nicht gegen Geld in irgend einer Art vertrieben
oder verkauft werden .
( ohne schriftliche Genehmigung des Autor )
- Disassembliert werden
- Umgepackt werden in ein anderes Archivformat
Norbert Heller
January 1994
Distribution of Albatros CD Player
The Shareware Version of Albtros CD Player may
- be loaded and distributed on any kind of Bulletin Board
- be loaded and distributed on any kind of Internet / Usenet adress.
- be taken in private Shareware Collections.
- be loaded and distributed on the HOBBES CD
The Shareware Version of Albtros CD Player may NOT
- be pressed on Compact Disc ( without written permission by the Author )
( The only Compact Disc, where the Player may be immediately distributed
will be the so called "HOBBES CD" , distributed by ftp.cdrom.com or
ftp-os2.nmsu.edu )
- be placed into a commercial Shareware Collection
( without written permission by the Author )
- be distributed for any amount of Money in any way .
( without written permission by the Author )
- be disassembled
- packed into another Archive
Norbert Heller
January 1994
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 9. License ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Copyright 1993-1994 Norbert Heller. All rights reserved
License Agreement
INSTALLATION OF THE ALBATROS CD Player ON YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM
IMPLIES AGREEMENT WITH THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS BELOW.
DISTRIBUTION OF THE ALBATROS CD Player, ITS ACCOMPANYING PROGRAMS AND
DOCUMENTATION, IS CONSIDERED AS IS. Norbert Heller
OFFERS NO WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED. THIS
INCLUDES, BUT IS IN NO WAY LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF THE ALBATROS CD Player'S
MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL Norbert Heller BE LIABLE FOR
ANY DAMAGES WHICH RESULT FROM THE USE OF THIS PROGRAM OR THE INABILITY
TO USE IT. EXCLUSION FROM LIABILITY INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO,
LOST PROFITS, LOST SAVINGS, OR ANY OTHER INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL
DAMAGES.
The ALBATROS CD Player is distributed as Shareware. It is not free, freeware,
or in the public domain. You may use ALBATROS CD Player for a trial period
of thirty days, at no cost to you, to determine if it fits your needs.
If you decide to use ALBATROS CD Player regularly, you are expected to register it and
pay the applicable registration fee. Individual copies of the
unregistered version of ALBATROS CD Player may be given to
your friends and associates for the same thirty day free trial period.
You may also upload ALBATROS CD Player to the public section of a public BBS.
You may not modify or dis-assemble ALBATROS CD Player, nor
distribute any modified or dis-assembled versions of ALBATROS CD Player.
ALBATROS CD Player may not be included with any other product without
written permission from Norbert Heller.
Registered copies of ALBATROS CD Player can be used on more
than one computer at a time as long as no more than one of these
computers is running ALBATROS CD Player at the same time.
You may make backup copies of ALBATROS CD Player as necessary
for archival purposes only.
U.S. Government RESTRICTED RIGHTS: Use, duplication, or disclosure
by the Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in
subdivision (b)(3)(ii) of the Rights in Technical Data and Computer
Software clause at 252.227-7013.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 10. The Spanish Inquisition ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, not even in this documentation
Voice over film of Medieval Europe
"In the early years of the 16th century, in an attempt to quell the rising tide
of religious unorthodoxy, the pope agve Cardinal Ximenez of Spain leave to move
without let or hindrance in a reign of violence and terror that makes a
smashing film...This was the Spanish Inquisition...
The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain (Palin) enters, flanked by
two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles (Jones) has goggles pushed over his
forehead. Cardinal Fang (Gilliam) is just Cardinal Fang
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is
suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two
weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our
*three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an
almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no...
*Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as
fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. Exit and exeunt
Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
The cardinals burst in
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such
diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost
fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! To
Cardinal Biggles I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles: rather horrified I couldn't do that...
Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again
Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
The cardinals enter
Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez: Expects...
Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact,
those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...
Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez: Surprise...
Biggles: Surprise and --
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah!
...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal,
read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy
against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'
Biggles: That's enough. To Cleveland Now, how do you plead?
Cleveland: We're innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER'
Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!
Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING'
Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- controls himself with a
supreme effort Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!
Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and
clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover
his anger
Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.
Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack
Ximinez: Right! How do you plead?
Cleveland: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.
Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders
Biggles: I....
Ximinez: gritting his teeth I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say
anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I...
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I...?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack
Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde
Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy
by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action --
*four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions
Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin
of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And
you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last
chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the
soft cushions!
Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez angrily hurling away the cushions Hm! She is made of harder
stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
Zoom into Fang's horrified face
Fang terrified : The...Comfy Chair?
Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft
cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!
They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair
Ximinez with a cruel leer Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until
lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
aside, to Biggles Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we?
Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!